If I was the CPO at Google..
Happy April Fools Day.
Big news, everyone!
I’m thrilled to announce that I’ve joined Google as Chief Product Officer, effective April 1, 2025. After years of observing from the sidelines and using all the Google Products, I am here to make some BOLD changes.
First up: Gmail.
I have seen how clunky and bloated it is. Gmail does feel like an email hoarder’s paradise >> a productive communication tool.
No worries because I’m streamlining it
- Fewer nested menus
- No more ‘Promotions’ tab
- and no ‘Reply All’ buttons that will accidentally start a World War III with your coworkers.
Next, Google Search.
- Tired of wading through 10 sponsored ads to find the actual result?
Effective today, I’m slashing all ads from Google - zero ads overload.
- Those AI-generated summaries?
They are now replaced with something else. I am partnering up with Elon Musk's Grok API to make it useful when you search for something.
Third is Google Maps.
- I am done with it, rerouting me through a random goat path to save merely 30 seconds. I am adding a "thumbs down" feature where Google Maps does it in the future.
- I’m adding a ‘Scenic Route’ option that will intentionally take you through the path that takes at least 4X more to reach your destination. This is for the people who drive for the "vibes"
- Finally, I am adding a 3D mode, which will give you an even better view of the street and drain your battery 5X faster on long trips.
Fourth is YouTube.
The TL;DR - The algorithm’s getting a total makeover.
- I am bringing back the dislike counter so you can adequately judge that ‘DIY Plumbing Tricks’ tutorial before flooding your basement.
- No more recommending conspiracy rabbit holes after you watch one cat video.
- Those unskippable double ads?
Gone.
Fifth is Google Drive’s storage limits.
No more cryptic ‘You’re out of space’ emails while trying to save a blurry photo of your lunch. Store all useless pictures and screenshots that will never be looked at forever, FREE!
- Google Photos will now stop auto-tagging your dog as an ‘Unidentified Mammal.’
Finally, is it time to bring back Google+?
Nopes, I’m not resurrecting it. Even April Fools’ Day has its limits.
Fin.